dum spiro, spero.

My greatest hope is that each and every person has the courage to let his or her own genuine light shine. When we all do that, the world will be so bright that there will be nothing left for us to do but love one another.

It all comes back to love for me. My greatest passion is loving others because I hope that in doing so people will see that they deserve love. The reason I decided I want to teach was because I realized how badly I want people to feel comfortable to dream their own dreams and pursue their own passions; I want people to explore their authentic selves and know with utter certainty that no matter what they discover they deserve love and acceptance from others but also from themselves. I want people to just be their genuine selves and light up the world! What more could I ever hope for?

When I was fifteen or sixteen, I had to do a project in school to explore what I might want to do with my future, and I felt like it was the hardest assignment I had ever been given. There are a lot of things I love to do. I am passionate about a hell of a lot, let's be honest. I find joy and fulfillment and a sense of purpose in a lot of things that I do, and nothing seemed to encapsulate all of it. I felt like I would have to give something up. But then I came up with a plan to start my own school. I wanted to establish a school in which education was not merely an academic endeavor, but in which there were classes that would create a safe space for people to explore the self, that would encourage people to define and come to love their evolving identities. I think that as people create loving relationships with themselves, they find love also for those around them. I mean, why would you want to tear anyone else down when you’re so freaking joyful? You wouldn’t.

A part of me still clings to this dream. I think that this dream would allow me to live in that love that I keep coming back to—agape. I think that this dream would allow me to encourage others to live that way too. And I am aware that it sounds impractical and maybe even naïve of me to dream such a dream, but I do. I was afraid to admit it, and so I hadn't told anyone about it in years, but then a friend brought it up to me recently. She said that maybe if I teach for a while, I could eventually open my school. I haven’t even mentioned it to anyone in years, but she just brought it up out of the blue! She doesn’t know how much her words did for my spirit. She re-ignited a flame inside of me that I had been afraid of, for which I am eternally grateful!

I am obsessed with love because I doubted my own deservingness of love for so long. I found that people appreciated my nurturing ways and my ability to love others so I filled the hole that my self-hatred was creating with love of others—I poured out all the love I had to give so that no one else would feel what I was feeling. What I was dishing out so fervently, though, was lacking in a way because I could never give fully of myself. It all came from a place of self-hatred, a place of anger and fear and hurt and utter sadness instead of a place of joy, liberation, and most importantly, a place of love. I am well aware that I still struggle with these habitual tendencies and that I do not always give fully of myself and love in the ways I wish I did, but a change in my way of being came from my efforts to embrace my own humanity. I am human. I am flawed, and these things make me beautiful—mt