Trying to be Real

Most of us have gone through what I have. I mean when we were in middle school all you want to do is fit in somehow. No matter when middle school was for you if it was a hundred years ago or last week chances were it sucked. It's when we started to be interested in people romantically but were cursed with acne and voice cracks (for the boys anyway). High school was still to come and the social groups started to form. Impressing your group of friends seemed the most important thing in the world.

I had been a somewhat geeky kid going into seventh grade. I was labeled as "smart" only because I liked reading and history. I certainly didn't get the best grades in my class. I enjoyed doing theater, not only because it was fulfilling, which it was don't get me wrong, but it was one of the few co-ed activities. I went to an all boys school with a girls school just down the hill so we shared some classes and the arts center. So my friends and I got to hang out with the girls who did theater, and our circle of friends expanded.

Now it's annoyingly cliche but yes we got beat up by the lacrosse jocks for being "theater fags". The irony wasn't lost on us, while we were in theater rehearsal with girls, we would hear stories of the jocks locking each other naked into gym lockers... I know we didn't get it either. Anyway we didn't like this deal we were getting. So, being the rational and forward thinking preteens we were we decided to beat these guys up. Unfortunately we won. I say unfortunate because of the change it spurred on.

We had recently got into oldschool punk rock music like the sex pistols and the Ramones, I had found this sweet leather jacket similar to what they wore in a thrift store and putting it on made me feel powerful. Again being really cool we would start to drink heavily when we would hang out. Disgusting, cheap alcohol we got from our older siblings. This too would make us feel invincible and dangerous. I got my ears, lip, and eyebrow pierced much to my parents dismay. I began pushing the schools dress code (yes I was that cool). I started smoking cigarettes just to complete the cliche I was. We continually got into fights for no real reason. It wasn't until years later I saw my own irony. My response to people looking down on me was to write them off and assume I was better than them. Well I guess all this was part of growing up. Thank goodness the only constant is change.