I have gone through many phases in my life: prophase, metaphase, anaphase, telephase. But perhaps the most important phase change is the evolution of my musical tastes. Let’s go on a ride, a mind ride.
Phase 1: The first CD I remember buying/asking my mom to get me (the latter seems closer to reality), was sadly a Hanson CD. I know that this adventure into my past isn’t starting out very well. In fact, I would like to take this time to apologize to you and little Ponyboy, circa 1998. I am going to justify my purchase by saying that I only bought it because every other girl in my class had it. I felt out of the loop. When you are in third grade, it is essential that you are IN the loop. I don’t think I ever actually listened to the Hanson CD. Although that may be a lie, how else can one explain knowing the words to MMMBop? The influence of radio? Please say yes.
Phase 2: I am going to refer to phase two as humiliation. I became what you might say is “ghetto” from 1999-2001. Yes, that would make me a fifth grader “getting low.” How adorable. I’m not saying that being “ghetto” is humiliating, but thinking you are “ghetto” because you have timbs and a song called “Izzo” is. Apparently I believed that owning the Save the Last Dance soundtrack and wearing my hair in a bun on the top of my head, with hoop earrings (straight up JLo style) made me thug—or at least a rap aficionado. I had a fifty dollar bill, and I put my hand up. I would just like to point out after my years of wisdom: If you too have a Lil’ Bow Wow album, then you are automatically disqualified from being “ghetto.”
Phase 3: This phase will be called “let’s pretend we are British.” Note to self: buying a compilation CD of The Clash does not make you punk. Nor does buying black nail polish, which has only been used once to this date. The third phase of my musical taste is where I became punk, in case you haven’t already guessed. I did get “all lost in a supermarket” looking for a special offer, “guaranteed personality”. And by supermarket I mean myself. And by guaranteed personality, well, I do actually mean guaranteed personality. Pretending to know information about Joe Strummer was just a way for me to hide from the fact that I was unhappy. I thought punk music would make me different, unique. I wanted to justify not fitting in with the girls at school (remember Hanson? This time I did the opposite. No more popular music for Pony).
Phase 4: Whole Lotta Love. That should be enough explanation.
We are finished with our ride. I know, this makes no sense. Kinda seems pointless. But don’t fear there is a point…there is always a point.
I was talking about the different phases of my musical life to a friend. Everyone should know about the change from Lil’ Ponyboy to classical-rock-I’m-gonna-learn-all-the-lyrics-to-Jungle-Love Pony. My friend asked me what phase I was in now. My response: “This is it.” This is no longer a phase, this is me. I am most authentic right now. I am a functioning cell…no more divisions, no more changes . I have found things I enjoy. I don’t limit myself to labels of classical rock, alternative, indie, punk, hip-hop—although I do draw the line at Hanson. I have stopped worrying about fitting in.
I’ve become authentic.
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