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Thursday, June 30, 2011

uninspired? or over-inspired?

So I may or may not have some serious writer’s block. What’s up with that? I wasn’t aware that I ever ran out of things to say. I suppose in some ways I didn’t since I am sitting here typing away about my inability to write. I tried to write about why I love human beings, why I love life, the things that make me smile uncontrollably, but nothing I wrote could fully express either the visuals or the joy that they give me. I couldn’t do any of it justice. Even now, I feel like I can’t express the inexpressible nature of my joy. How do you just sum up what makes you glow? How do you sum up the glory that is humanity? How do you describe the indescribable?

I also tried to write about my sisters. I ran into a similar problem. If you think I could ever put in words everything I love about my sisters in a way that would give you a fraction of an idea of my love for them, you clearly haven’t met them. I thought about publically writing to each of them, thanking them for all they have done for me, but I didn’t even know where to begin, and whenever I tried to begin, I was not satisfied with anything I wrote. Instead I have decided to complain to you about the limitations of words…

I love words. So freaking much. There is poetry I love so deeply that I weep at the sheer sight of it on a page. But, alas, words strong enough to describe certain aspects of life just don’t exist. I suppose I have been experiencing a lot of that lately. How do I describe my time in El Salvador? How do I describe the transformation it caused in me? How do I describe how socially awkward it’s made me? How do I describe how hard I’m trying to remember that I really am constantly in the presence of the divine? How do I describe how meaningless certain aspects of my life seem in comparison to the aspects that nourish me so deeply? How do I describe my love for the people in my life? How do I describe my love for my life itself? How do I describe the fire within me? Words are failing me. I am so on fire, I am so transformed, so intensely feeling, that I cannot find words to tell you much of anything right now. Although it’s kind of fantastic, hopefully one day soon I’ll settle back down and have something of use to say. Until then, I’ll be sending my love and channeling all this inspiration into my dreams.

i love you.


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