the peace you long for exists within you.

I talk a lot. And I really do like human beings a lot. So much so that sometimes I forget to be alone for extended periods of time. And yes, I do yoga (of course), but even during my practices I sometimes get so wrapped up in what my body is doing or in thinking about or praying for one of the people I love so very dearly that I forget to reflect on myself and my own life. This of course is not very good for me and so I eventually find myself having a complete and total melt down in which I feel as though I can't hardly function and therefore will probably never be okay again. During such melt downs, you can usually find me fully clothed (shoes included) in my bed under the blankets in a state of panic because I can’t figure out how to begin to sort out the mess that I have found myself in. People try to talk sense into me (for example, my mother telling me that figuring out what to eat for dinner should not distress me this much, but regardless, I do need to eat), and I respond by spewing out dramatic, snarky, hopeless, and usually illogical arguments… until I realize:

the peace you long for exists within you.

At which point, all the tears abruptly cease, my body suddenly begins to relax, and I find myself seemingly involuntarily praying. I don’t mess around; I pray directly to the spirit that I know exists inside of me. I acknowledge her (and the fact that I haven’t been doing so enough lately), I chat with her, and I give her some seriously well-deserved and long-awaited loving.

The most recent prayer went a little like this:

“You, my dear, are stronger than this. Stop coping. Start living. You have the strength to be the woman you so want to be. It will be hard. And, to be honest, I am not quite sure what it will look like or how it will take shape, but you must do it. You don’t really have a choice. You will never forgive yourself if you give into difficulty, pain and fear. Plus, you’re going to be okay, I promise. In fact, I think that in a lot of ways you are better than okay. Think of how much healing has already occurred within you! Forgive yourself for not having it all figured out. You're not supposed to. And more importantly, my love, have patience with yourself.

“‘Human beings are not like bread. We are never done.’

“Embrace the journey. Take time to remember how much value you find in discomfort, in overcoming fear, in acts of liberation, in growth, in learning, in challenging yourself, in living fully, in motion, in uncertainty, in trusting, and in letting go. These things will only bring you closer to your authentic self. She is waiting for you with open arms. More importantly, she is waiting with more joy and more love than you can imagine. Trust in her. Run full speed towards her. And don’t look back. The past cannot define you any longer, sweetheart. Set yourself free. It’s time. It's time.”

Also, for your viewing pleasure, here is a slice of inspiration: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATC5OGh3adg