Davecat

I was thinking about what it means to be authentic. My mind wandered over various people, places, things, and ideas. Then I was interrupted by a loud meow. Dave is heralding his entrance into my bedroom letting me know it is time to lean back in my chair so he can leap onto my lap. Within minuets he is asleep.

I may not know all the reasons he has for choosing his favorite napping spot to be my lap but I do know it is where he wants to be. I also know if I try to move him he would be quite upset with me, any attempt I make to reposition him somewhere else would only end with him jumping into my lap again, turning around in a circle, yawning, and going back to sleep.

Now let me tell you, I am not a cat person. I find them aloof and anti-social. I mean, I don't dislike them, but I never had the urge to seek one out. Dave was given to me when he was weeks old by a friend who found him in her car. Not able to take care of him she brought him to me, I said I would watch him for a couple of nights, and here I am three years later with a small furry mammal asleep on my lap as I type this.

My position on cats hasn't changed. But my position on Dave has. He spent his childhood living on my shoulder as the woods of New Hampshire arn't very friendly to small animals. We would go on hikes with my dog (who took it upon himself to be Dave's bodyguard and big brother) and we would barbecue outside with Dave attacking the leaves as the wind blew them around the field. At night he would sleep on my pillow between my neck and my shoulder, while I lose sleep, constantly afraid of rolling over on him.

I am someone who doesn't like cats but I love Dave, and that is simply because he is completely himself.

"without courage all other virtues are useless"

Edward Abbey says that in his book, Desert Solitaire, and at first I thought, man, this makes courage seem extra important... maybe a little snotty... anyway, the more I thought about it the more I wondered, would we live as we believe without courage?

Lately, I have been thinking about (and talking about... what else is new?) Christ. I do not call or consider myself Christian so I like to think about Christ as a literary figure, a character, just some guy. (Please don't think that I am trying to offend; for me it is merely a thought experiment.) His gospel, at its core, is one of love, but he was killed for it. To me this means that, as unfortunate as it may be, love is pretty dang radical. You don't get hunted down, violently and brutally beaten or murdered publicly on a cross for playing nice. He wasn't America's sweetheart, ya know? His message, lived out in his actions, was challenging. To some, it was downright terrifying.

In the most recent Harry Potter film (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1), after Harry and Hermione reach safety after their encounter with Nagini--a vicious snake possessed by Voldemort--Hermione plops down and suggests that the two grow old in the forest, aka in safety. Knowing the struggle with Nagini is characteristic of the fight they have chosen (or felt called to choose), giving up and growing old sounds pretty dang nice. Obviously they decide otherwise--why? I think it comes down to the peace of feeling consistent and harmonious with one's choices. Regardless of society, regardless of the pleasantness of "growing old," regardless of moral and ethical codes, we cannot be at peace with ourselves if we are not living in accordance with our beliefs no matter how radical they might be. To do so, to live in accordance with oneself and with any virtue, takes courage.

The Legacy of Luna

I recently read The Legacy of Luna by Julia “Butterfly” Hill…and now I want to live in a tree. OH BOTHER.

Julia lived in a 200-foot redwood tree for 738 days. I repeat, 738 days. Hill’s extended tree-sit (some would call it civil disobedience, but that sounds to legal for my liking) was in protest against a lumber company. Luna, the tree Julia lived in, became Julia’s best friend—Luna became a part of Hill.

The amount of love-fueled-courage Julia exhibited is overwhelmingly inspiring.

Hill risked her life for a TREE. Granted it was a 1,000 year old tree, but it was none the less a simple tree that most people take for granted (that’s right I’m referring to you, teacher who makes us print out a ridiculous amount of documents). Some may think she is crazy, but there is something admirable in her character. Hill let go of all of her attachments, which is more than I can say for myself. There were times during her two years when she felt broken, when she wanted to escape the wind constantly blowing in her ear, when she was exhausted. But she never gave up. She kept on truckin’.

We all need a little bit of Julia in our lives. We all need a little Luna too.

Find something you are passionate about, and fight for it. Stop people from constantly cutting you down.

(P.S. Julia won. The lumber company saved Luna and a 200-foot buffer zone around the tree.)

be you

Now I don't think I have shared my love of a certain pop star with you yet. I love this not only cause I just think she is absolutely brilliant and awesome but because she is nothing but herself. She has no qualms about doing whatever she wants and is completely comfortable with who she is. Now of course I am talking about Lady GaGa. She is who she is and who cares what anyone thinks? I can't even express how happy she makes me by simply being who she wants to be.

I am glad there is an influence out there who just says "be who you want to be". I think there needs to be more of that in our culture. Growing up there was too much wear this brand, own this bike, play this sport... I am glad there is someone in the mainstream and popular who is so outspoken about being yourself. When I was in middle school I had to find that message in punk rock, I can only wonder what I would be like, how different my life would be like if there were more folks like Lady GaGa when I was growing up.

it's okay to let me in

Now that I look back on the really low times in my life, I can see how much I’ve grown. I had often put on a façade of being strong, tough, and independent like a man should be. I knew that I wasn’t going down a good path. I knew my depression wasn’t getting any better. But I couldn’t bring myself to get help. Help?? Like see a shrink? Who are you kidding? They are for psychos and crazy people and weak people. “Weak people.” That phrase repeated in my head and I thought to myself that I would never and could never accept that fate. The fate of so many people who can’t even handle life, so they end up crying and whining about their problems to an old guy with glasses.

But during my senior year of high school, my guidance counselor called me into her office because she had heard I had been cutting myself. She told me a story about how she was raped and how she was afraid of what people would think of her if she said something. But she somehow gained the courage to tell her parents what had happened, and had gotten help for herself. She found the courage to speak about one of the worse things that can happen to a person. She was able to break her silence.

It wasn’t until about a year later when I had gone through therapy that I realized how strong she really was. I was doing better and was finally healthy, and realized that I should have asked for help from the start. Because getting help didn’t make me weak, and having an illness that I couldn’t cure myself didn’t make me weak. I would have shown my strength by going up to my parents and asking for help. To submit to someone. To say I am letting you in my life and letting you help me along my journey to become healthy. That is courage. That is strength. That is love.

the courage to give thanks.

Since it’s Thanksgiving, I want to write about the courage to freely give thanks. As I have said before, I have a theory that we, as human beings, do not express our feelings to one another very well. In fact in my very first post I said:

I have a theory that HUMAN BEINGS DON’T WORSHIP EACH OTHER ENOUGH, DON’T CHERISH EACH OTHER ENOUGH, DON’T EXPRESS THEIR ENDLESS CAPACITY TO LOVE.

I think that to do these things takes courage because they make us incredibly vulnerable, they show our raw humanity.

But let’s take a second to imagine what the world would be like if we all ran around expressing to each other how truly GLORIOUS we all are… In the words of Thomas Merton:

“There is no way of telling people that they are all walking around shining like the sun. If only they could all see themselves as they really are. If only we could see each other that way all the time. There would be no more war, no more hatred, no more cruelty, no more greed… I suppose the big problem would be that we would fall down and worship each other.”

But, you see, I believe in the depths of my heart and soul that this is possible. The power is ours and the shift can take place within each of us, one at a time, day by day… it comes down to having the courage to take the risk and say…

Thank you for being you. I am grateful that you are in my life.

conviction

Now before I start I don't want to step on anyones toes. I am by no means telling anyone that my views are the 'right' way of thinking. In fact that is the point I am trying to make here. All humans have the right to feel free to express their opinion and keep their own moral standards. I have my own moral code as many of us do which we hold ourselves too. However, there is a line however gray it may be at times that I strongly encourage all of us to beware of. A point where I may push your beliefs on others. This isn't to say I can't debate or even argue values and morals with folks but if I begin to think less of someone purely based on a belief they have then I have failed myself. True, I am guilty of this and I try to catch myself, but I think the struggle is important. To hold myself to the standards I set for the world.

The scene I'd like to share is from one of my favorite TV shows, The West Wing. It follows fictional president Josiah Bartlett (Martin Sheen) and his senior staff and the everyday things they do (national disasters, wars, elections, etc.). President Bartlett is a devout Catholic and quite "liberal", he often finds himself struggling with the religions right on numerous issues. In this scene he confronts a radio personality and Bible literalist from the religious right who questioned his faith earlier in the episode. Here we see Bartlet stick to his conviction.

Again I would like to say I am not saying what he says is right or not, merely showing an example of sticking to your guns when others try to make you feel bad about what you believe.

I can't do it alone

So I know the Lost series finale was a while ago, but I felt the need to talk about it. I really wasn’t into the show that much, I mean I watched the second and third season, but then didn’t really keep up with the rest very much. But I decided what the heck there’s nothing else on TV and no one was around to go line dancing, which I absolutely love. The beauty and wonder and the feelings of freedom and spirit that fill up inside me while dancing is just amazing, and you can really open up and be authentically you if you let go and just dance. I think my courage helps me get out there and just be me. So yeah, I just decided to put it on. By the end of the show, I was tearing and in awe at the wondrous message the writers sent. The whole entire show, the whole reasoning behind the show and the themes of the entire series were given in this last episode. Those themes were love, friendship, and above all courage. Throughout the show it was one scene after another where one character would perform a selfless act to help another. However, there were three main spots that shot out at me as amazing.

The first was when John Locke was wheeling himself up to the church and Ben was standing outside. Ben did terrible things to Locke and even killed him at one point. Ben understood the error of his ways and apologized deeply for what he did. That in itself is such a wonderful thing to see to show that even the darkest of people can find the spark of light they have in their hearts, one of the many reasons I love people. But even greater than that was when John look him square in the eyes, smiled, and said I forgive you. That really shows how great a person he was, that he could forgive a man, a human being, for the evil things he did. Because he understood that people aren’t evil, the things they do may be evil and wrong and hurtful, but by forgiving and showing love and compassion John knew it would mean the world to Ben and bring out Ben’s greatest light. Forgiveness is a truly selfless act.

The second involves Hurley. Hurley is the epitome of unselfishness throughout the entire series helping anyone he can and doing everything he can. Yet like most every other character, and like many unselfish people, he took on tasks always by himself never asking for help. Many people view asking for help as weak because how can a weak person who asks for help possibly help a person in need. You look to the strong and brave ones for help that stand out and can do everything by themselves. But Hurley finally saw this as untrue. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. It takes courage, bravery, strength, and more heart than a lone rider could ever have to ask for help, to realize your flaws and your weaknesses and say I need your help. It takes trust and love to ask a friend for that help, to say can you help me, can I put my trust in you to stand by my side through the thick and thin because I cannot do it alone. That’s love. And Hurley found it. He was appointed Protector of the island, a solo job, one that embodies power and prestige, but Hurley went up to Ben and said can you help me, I can’t do this alone. I can’t even fathom the amount of courage it took Hurley to be able to say, this is too much for me to do alone, I need a friend and a helping hand. A friend to grow with, to love, to work side by side with, to have help you all the way. It’s not helping everyone you see by yourself, it’s learning to let people in and saying I can’t do it alone.

And lastly Jack. He’s the doctor, the person who took control from the start of the series and became protector of the island at the end. He had to save the island by going into the heart of the island and fixing it, a task that would probably kill him, and his words were “I have to do this alone,” it was always meant to be me and me alone. Well he completed his task of saving the island and he was proud, but he died for it. However before he died his father came to him and told him something that opened his eyes. He said it was always about the people. The people you lived with on that island, ate with, hurt with, and cried with, they are the people that matter. And we all die sometime, but we have to make the most out of every second and every moment we are with the people that really mean the most to us. He told him it was never about just him, and not about him saving the island or trying to save others by going at it alone. It was and is about the people, his friends he met and those loving friendships he will forever keep. Because people matter. Love matters and friendship matters. And Jack finally came full circle dying where he awoke on the island, or maybe finally coming alive in a new place. A place where he sees that he is not alone and he doesn’t need to be what he thinks is a hero. Because the real hero is the one who has courage to love, to open up, to let go, and just vividly live with the people around their and never feeling too righteous or too scared to ask for a little or a lot of help now and then. It’s not weak to ask for help, it’s courageous.